The Latest (no really!) from the Oscars

I'd like to preface this post with a WARNING: I was drunk and I don't expect you to find this as amusing as I do.

In lieu of real-life company during the Oscars broadcast (and after several glasses of wine) I took the following notes, never actually thinking I'd subject anyone else to them. And yes, I realise that drinking alone, watching television alone and taking notes whilst watching television and drinking alone is not a practice most people subscribe to and may not be entirely healthy. SO to accompany that little insight into the sad reality of my life here is an unabridged, unedited, unspell-checked insight into my train of thought on Oscars night.

Enjoy.


Melissa George has a ridiculously large head.

Baz and Catherine are revoluting. She’s revolting. Has she been drinking?

Vomit. Penelope Cruise.

Kate Winslet also has huge head and tiny boobs. Starting to think it’s the camera angle. Everyone has tiny boobs.

Deborah is gorgeous.

Orange Richard is Orange.

Slum Dog stars are adorable.

Good god. The girls are tiny!

Good god- that’s it Wilks? That was over so quick! (bet you've heard that before! bahahahaha...)

Hugh Jackman is gorgeous.

Australia joke….even better – New Zealand Joke.

My god. His performance is adorable. And hilarious!

I love it. They’ve totally embraced the whole ‘economic crisis’ thing and made it work!

It’s lovely! It’s intimate and its funny! And its budget…

Anne Hathaway isn’t as annoying as I thought…clearly has lungs and a sense of humour.

Mmmmm…Hugh…

Hilarious. The Reader. Dance section. Hugh’s losing it. Really what they were they going to do with an underage Mrs-Robinson-esque Nazi love story?

Fuck.

He’s gorgeous.

Awww. Meryl hearts hugh so hard. But not as hard as her daughter hearts him.

Oh no. Tilda is wearing another beige sheet.

Goldie Horn’s tits look like they’re about to escape.

God I hate Penelope cruz. Her hair is so much bigger than her face.

Whoopi still got it! Nun jokes.

Amy Adams…hmm…cutie pie. Huge emerald necklace thing.

Actually, the beige sheet is kind of working for her…looks like one of the fates.

* At this point my television lost colour and I, simultaneously, interest. I tuned back in for Sean Penn but had sobered up by then and had nothing snide to say about his lovely speech anyway. I would also like to retract any complimentary comments I made about Anne Hathaway. I wrote them before I heard her describe her strongest memory of Heath Ledger:'What I remember most about Heath was that he was just...so...alive'*