Hey kids! Let's play 'Cut&Paste!'

Love love loving:

http://helloboys.tumblr.com

Thank you ladies.

WTF

Gourmet Mints

Really? Because they look suspiciously like Kool Mints to me...

Market Research

Does this picture in any way inspire you to join the Time Out Fitness Centre?




Nope, me neither...

Flu-induced-feminist-contemplations

In my flu-induced-delusion I decided to watch 'Hitch.' The premise (for those who haven't seen this piece of cinematic genius)goes something likes this:

Dating Dr (Will Smith) takes conventionally-physically-unattractive, shy, awkward guys (who are of course sweet and caring on the inside) and one way or another ensures that the conventionally-physically-attractive woman of their choice learns to look beyond the superficiality of appearance and fall in love with them.

The rest of the plot is highly predictable and of no importance here.

There is of course nothing wrong with the feel-good message of looking beyond appearance and loving people for who they are, not what they look like. However it struck me, lying awake in a flu-induced bout of insomnia, that in movies, stories, fairy tales, (society?), it is consistently the female characters who must overcome what is often physical revulsion in order to learn to love the man for 'himself', thus revealing his true inner beauty.

Beauty and the Beast and the story of the Frog Prince are classic examples.

And there aren't many stories of attractive men learning to love physically "unattractive" women for their personalities.

Men are allowed to be fat and still found attractive - eg. Charlotte's 2nd hubby in Sex and the City, Albert in 'Hitch'.

Women are allowed to be beautiful but poor and dirty (Cinderella) - nothing a hot bath won't fix - but men, we are told, are not able to fall in love with "unattractive", let alone fat, women unless the woman has undergone a major physical transformation, rendering her beautiful.

I'd be really interested to hear what other examples you can think of relating to this theme - either supporting or contradicting.

It seems to me that yet again women are being taught they must strive constantly for physical 'perfection' (whatever that means) in order to find a 'good' guy, which they will only do when they stop making judgments based on physical appearance. Meanwhile men are told they can look anyway they like, be a good guy, and still get the hot girl.

Maybe men are just more literal: they don't see the beauty until they see the beauty.

If anyone's seen that Jack Black/Gwen Paltrow/fat-suit movie I'd love you to tell me how it relates to this so I don't have to watch it.

more notsopassiveagressivenotes.com

I really think this sign



and this sign




sum up the difference between the NT and pretty much the rest of Australia.

In the Northern Territory there will be thinly veiled threats of violence.

In Sydney there will be very specific threats of weak decaf 1/2 skim 1/2 soy coffees.

CROC FREE ZONE!

After a week away from Darwin I returned to discover that the NT Government appears to be seriously considering the possibility of establishing a 50km Croc Free Zone around Darwin city.

Of all the ludicrous...

I was initially convinced this must be some sort of NT News scare-mongering/ sensationalism and have been trying to confirm it is as some sort of late April Fool's day joke ever since. Sadly, it appears to be quite serious.

How can the NTG and Federal Govt agree to the compulsory killing of crocodile now when last year the Fed Govt stood in the way of managed, profitable safari hunting (which would have provided employment and income for Traditional Owners who supported it) because Steve Irwin convinced them it was cruel? Also it is virtually unenforceable and exposes the Govt to potential litigation from idiots who think getting in the water up here is safe. The NT News has run a whole serious of headlines entitled things like 'More Croc Idiots!' illustrating what unnecessary risks people take. While I realise this is not exactly Walkley Award winning journalism, they have a point.

And what about the journalists?! What will the NT News do? Does this mean we should expect more headlines like Wednesday the 15th's : PICTURES! MY DOG ATE MY G-STRING!


UPDATE: When you google 'croc free zone darwin' the very first item is entitled 'croc-free-zone idea ludicrous'. Great minds ABC, great minds...

Living up to expectations: in which I am unmasked as an erratic blogger and terrible coffee snob

As you can see I am far exceeding even my own expectations of erratic posts!
High(and low)lights of the last few post-less weeks include:

- Suffering a week and a half of debilitating flu. Lord help you all if I ever get anything serious: I am apparently incapable of suffering in quiet dignity.
- A wonderful weekend in Melbourne revisiting my favourite spots with my favourite people, drinking a lot of good coffee and talking about all the good coffee I had drunk, and remembering how amazing it is to be able to go dancing at a spot where you love all the music and everybody around you loves all the same music and that music isn't a cover band playing Jessie's Girl (which, contrary to how that sentence reads, I don't love).
- Work-sickday-work-sickday-work
- Finally, RECOVERY - upon which I become obnoxiously cheerful.
- An unexpected week in Nhulunbuy where, in contrast to my Melbourne visit, I drank some quite unexceptional coffee and my understanding of 'latte' and the cafe's understanding of 'latte' clashed considerably. Note to Crunch'n'Munch cafe staff: no matter how adamantly you try and convince me otherwise I know a latte is NOT a long black with an enormous pile of froth balanced on top, sprinkled with chocolate. And if I stir this concoction it will NOT, as you insist, miraculously become a latte. This is also not a cappuccino (or a cuppa-ccino, as they are so often called in the NT). Confusingly, I know you know this too because you have been serving me quite delicious lattes for the last 3 days.

Serves me right for being a persnickety bitch :)

I am looking forward to the very busy upcoming week - planned activities include a trip to Milingimbi for work, a trip to Timor Leste for fun and copious coffee consumption.

Ethics smethics...let's talk graphics.

I'm a little confused by the ABC's choice of graphic to illustrated a story headlined 'The Gene Genies' and illustrated with a double helix DNA strand (understandable) and Barack Obama (confusing). Now, if the piece was about Obama's recent reversal of stem cell research, the illustration would make sense. However, it quickly transpired the piece was in fact about a report on the use of genetic testing by insurance companies when issuing policies. In Australia. There was no mention of the US or Obama at all.

The piece went on to explain that one person had been found to have (and I paraphrase) 'a gene for breast cancer and a gene for ovarian cancer....as well as this HE also had a slightly increased risk of prostate cancer'.

Can someone with a better understanding of such things please explain to me how (and if) a man can have a gene for ovarian cancer and breast cancer?

The following story was about Obama and stem cell research, using a very similar graphic (he was sitting in same position but with his head turned the other way!) and a headline so catchy I have forgotten it.

It all just seemed a bit sloppy really.

And yes, I realise that in relation to these two topics there are probably far more important issues to discuss than their illustration on the ABC news but that's just not what I do.

notsopassiveaggressivenotes.com

This note is pinned above the adult magazine section at my local newsagency:




Only in Darwin...

I'd also like you to know that this photo was captured at great personal risk. I had to be very discreet as I don't think whoever wrote this note would be very sympathetic if they mistakenly thought I was taking photos of the covers of the adult magazines rather than purchasing them.

Or what I was really trying to say:

Check out The Age Online Opinion piece:

No sex, please, I'm too busy vacuuming by Helen Elliot

Awesome.

While it might not seem like it, this is what I was really trying to get at in my last post.

Glad to see they're running this.

What makes a happy marriage? Just lie back and think of England!

Because I foolishly use a mac I seem to be unable to do various things on this blog including commenting on my own, and other people's blogs, and posting links to other sites. So I'm just going to have to tell you about and then you can google it if you're mad/sad/joyous enough.

The other day I read an article in the online addition of The Age which was provocatively and, as it turns out, inaccurately titled 'What makes a happy marriage? Sex!'(Curtin, J. 28/02/09). What is should really have said is: 'What makes a happy marriage? Rape!' because that's pretty much what the two auther's conclusion amounted to. The article claims that the main finding of sex therapist Bettina Arndt's new book (which is based on the 'sex diaries' of 98 couples) was a nation of 'women dreading bedtime and men hurting from rejection.'

Now, I can't judge the book because I haven't read it but the more I thought about the tone of this article the more it bothered me. I had to go back for a second read to see if it was really as bad as I remembered. And yup, it sure was.

Let's start with the opening paragraph shall we?

'Forty years after liberated women felt able to say "no" to their partners' demands for sex, they have been urged to say "yes" more often to keep their men happy.'

Forty years hey Curtin? Not in the eyes of the law. It is only in the last 20 years - 1985 in Australia, 1991 in England and 1993 in the USA (some states in both Aust and US earlier)- that 'marital exemption' laws were fully abolished and spousal rape made illegal. Seems like a bit of a flippant remark when you consider the continued instances of marital rape that go unreported and under-prosecuted. And that's without mentioning the numerous countries in which it is still not illegal.

Which brings us to women apparently 'dreading' bedtimes. Surely 'dreading' is a bit of strong word to use? What have women got to dread? Unless of course they are being asked to or even forced to submit to sex against their will - which would seem to be what Curtin and, she would have us believe Arndt, is advocating - in which case 'dreading' seems quite appropriate. Curtin and Arndt seem to place the fault with the women who are doing the 'dreading', suggesting as you will see below that they should instead just relax and enjoy it.

I don't mean to say that all men are rapists and that any of the people in the survey have experienced marital rape. It's the one-sidedness of Curtin's article that I object to. She quotes Arndt as saying that men 'listen to what women want, try to please them and … this need that is so important to them is totally ignored.'

We don't, however, get any details of HOW men are trying to please women or what THEY might need to do to solve the problem of, as Arndt insists on calling it,'mis-matched libidos'. Says Arndt, a partner with a low-libido (who Curtin helpfully points out are mainly women) 'needs to put sex on the "to-do list", even if they don't feel like doing it.'

Actually, screw not judging Arndt and her awful book. In closing she says:

"The notion that women have to want sex to enjoy it has been a really misguided idea that has caused havoc in relationships over the last 40 years.'

And Curtin then attempts to defuse this comment with Arndt's reassurance that 'with the right approach from a loving partner, if women were willing to be receptive "and allow themselves to relax … they would enjoy it"...

REALLY? With the right approach from a loving partner women are going to enjoy sex? I don't think any of us need a sex-therapist to tell us that!

Comments suggesting women should 'relax and enjoy it' sound dangerously like the candidate for the governor of Texas in 1990 quoted in Alisson&Wrightsman(1993) who commented 'Rainy weather is like a woman being raped; if it's inevitable just relax and enjoy it.'

Well I'm sorry, but for me the 'right approach' does not include being coerced or physically forced by anyone into having sex when I don't want to have it: is it possible that THIS behaviour (and accompanying societal attitudes that are complicit in condoning it) is what should be scrutinised for having 'caused havoc in relationships over the last 40 year', rather than women who inconveniently assert their human rights?



I realise that this post becomes increasingly hysterical as you read it but being up after 12am and reading 'Lifestyle' articles and self-help books that condone rape has that effect on me...

The Latest (no really!) from the Oscars

I'd like to preface this post with a WARNING: I was drunk and I don't expect you to find this as amusing as I do.

In lieu of real-life company during the Oscars broadcast (and after several glasses of wine) I took the following notes, never actually thinking I'd subject anyone else to them. And yes, I realise that drinking alone, watching television alone and taking notes whilst watching television and drinking alone is not a practice most people subscribe to and may not be entirely healthy. SO to accompany that little insight into the sad reality of my life here is an unabridged, unedited, unspell-checked insight into my train of thought on Oscars night.

Enjoy.


Melissa George has a ridiculously large head.

Baz and Catherine are revoluting. She’s revolting. Has she been drinking?

Vomit. Penelope Cruise.

Kate Winslet also has huge head and tiny boobs. Starting to think it’s the camera angle. Everyone has tiny boobs.

Deborah is gorgeous.

Orange Richard is Orange.

Slum Dog stars are adorable.

Good god. The girls are tiny!

Good god- that’s it Wilks? That was over so quick! (bet you've heard that before! bahahahaha...)

Hugh Jackman is gorgeous.

Australia joke….even better – New Zealand Joke.

My god. His performance is adorable. And hilarious!

I love it. They’ve totally embraced the whole ‘economic crisis’ thing and made it work!

It’s lovely! It’s intimate and its funny! And its budget…

Anne Hathaway isn’t as annoying as I thought…clearly has lungs and a sense of humour.

Mmmmm…Hugh…

Hilarious. The Reader. Dance section. Hugh’s losing it. Really what they were they going to do with an underage Mrs-Robinson-esque Nazi love story?

Fuck.

He’s gorgeous.

Awww. Meryl hearts hugh so hard. But not as hard as her daughter hearts him.

Oh no. Tilda is wearing another beige sheet.

Goldie Horn’s tits look like they’re about to escape.

God I hate Penelope cruz. Her hair is so much bigger than her face.

Whoopi still got it! Nun jokes.

Amy Adams…hmm…cutie pie. Huge emerald necklace thing.

Actually, the beige sheet is kind of working for her…looks like one of the fates.

* At this point my television lost colour and I, simultaneously, interest. I tuned back in for Sean Penn but had sobered up by then and had nothing snide to say about his lovely speech anyway. I would also like to retract any complimentary comments I made about Anne Hathaway. I wrote them before I heard her describe her strongest memory of Heath Ledger:'What I remember most about Heath was that he was just...so...alive'*

A Travel Memoir: Distorted by Time and Wine

Right. So 2009 has got off to a predictably erratic start.
I still haven't written anything about Thailand, while Claire put me to shame whilst we were traveling by providing a constant stream of up to the minute news for her loyal readers.

So here's a slightly tipsy Thailand top ten:

1. People watching at our hotel in Ko Lanta. The best bit? Getting to spend the afternoon observing the incredibly effeminate, babyfaced, haughty fire-twirler rehearse whilst I pretended to write postcards. I would have filmed him but Clarie said that would be immoral...didn't stop us filming the show though!

2. Overcoming my (mostly) irrational fears of sharks and swimming out to reef to go 'snorking.' A big thank you to the hapless Swedish man who let me surreptitiously follow him around...safety in numbers and all that. And I saw squids Brie!

3.The Bo Sang Umbrella festival. Bo Sang is famous for its paper parasols and every year hold a festival which features shop-front decoration competitions, umbrella making demonstrations and the Miss Bo Sang competition! Like Miss World the contestant must be beautiful on the inside and outside but unlike Miss World she must also be able to speak the northern Thai dialect and ride up and down the main street of Bo Sang on a bicycle whilst carrying an umbrella and dressed in full traditional costume. Brilliant. And the bikes were still plastic wrapped.

4. The 'Airobic' Dance Competition. This is technically part of the Umbrella Festival but gets it own listing because it was amazing. Seemed to be a competition between different 'airobics' schools. Predictably there was a lot of fluro, Lycra and sweat bands but more Blondie and cross-dressing than you'd expect. The competitors were introduced by two MCs who engaged in warm and witty banter evident to even us non-Thai speakers - amazing how the formulas are universal! The dancing was too-briefly interrupted by an amazing stand-up who the crowd adored.She was utterly hilarious even though we couldn't understand a word. Also entertaining, but unintentionally so, was watching what looked to be 3 Uni students who had spontaneously decided to set up a stall selling white bread, toasted, and then cut into little squares with condensed milk poured over it. They were doing a very poor job of it. It was rather like watching the Young Ones crossed with Faulty Towers.

5. Being driven home from Bo Sang in an emergency services vehicle by two teenage volunteers as all the taxi drivers were too busy in the pub getting drunk. After being surrounded by a large group of uniformed, piggy-tailed keen and curious volunteers we were squeezed into a car and delivered safely to Chiang Mai. I think they were just as excited to have something to do as we were to have a means of transport home.

6. Mmmmmmmm. The food. Yet another highlight of Bo Sang was the 15B meal of fish curry with vermicelli noodles, fresh herbs, pandang flavoured iced water and oranges. And the lovely company of the family who made it. The best meal of my trip.

7.Meeting Lorenzo the amazing New Yorker at cooking school. The only consolation was the weeks worth of entertainment a few hours in his obnoxious company provided us. But he's not the biggest dickhead I've ever met Claire! Once I met someone who was such a dickhead my heart almost stopped beating... Also, my mortar and pestle is coming along nicely - how bout yours?

8. Drinking iced coffee out of a plastic carry bag in Bangkok. Can't believe I only discovered this deliciousness on my last day.

9. The bells and gongs being rung at 5am in the Wat beside our guesthouse to wake up the town! And all the dogs howling their protest at their disturbed sleep as if the bells were STILL an unexpected intrusion. I do actually miss that! Speaking of dogs - all the pus in Chiang Mai were dressed in little t-shirts to keep them warm! Even the house cat had a little red shirt...I didn't recognise her when it was taken off one warm day!

10. Meeting the amazing people we did: the couple who convinced the security guard to let our taxi through the barricade onto the main street of Bo Sang; wonderful Aum and the other girls at the Chiang Mai TAT; Nut, with the shop selling beautiful products made by the women of her village at Bamboo Bay, who was so willing to help us get around; all the possibly stoned, often surly, utterly lovable staff of Baan Phu Lae; the taxi driver who did a truly admirable job of reading our lonely planet and driving in heavy traffic at the same time, all the while trying to communicate the name of his hometown (and its fame for dinosaurs!) to the ignorant passenger foolish enough to ask; Tin, who drove us around Ko Lanta in his motorcycle side car, asking us politely to move forward on our seats to get up the hills and to sit back in order to prevent us crashing through buildings and into the sea when we went down a particularly steep one; Tin's aunt from Bamboo Bay who introduced us to Tin and even rang that afternoon to make sure we had a good time; the very camp man and gorgeous man at the Chiang Mai textiles museum who insisted on showing me how to put combs in my hair; the women in the Saar paper outfits at Bo Sang; the other woman at Bo Sang who explained the Miss Bo Sang competition to us (Miss World! Miss Thailand! Miss Bo Sang!); the ex-monk turned internet exporter and the old lady outside the family shop who gave me an orange for no apparent reason at all.

Exactly like Airbus 320. But smaller. And slightly warmer.

Thanks to Brie for bringing this to my attention.

I did here rumours of a plane in the harbour this morning (and subsequently rushed to the highest point I could find with a view of the harbour: the fourth floor of our office building - FOURTH floor people!) but alas, no plane in sight.

Luckily the NY Times have got it covered. They're right - it is pretty much the same thing as landing in the Hudson - but the bit I love the most is this:

The dual-propeller Piper Chieftain experienced engine trouble shortly after takeoff from the frontier city of Darwin.

See kids! I told you it was a hole!

I'd just like to add that I in no way mean to take away from Steve Bolle's potentially life saving actions. I'd like him as my pilot from now on thank you very much. Having had the engines on a small plane stop 3 times on a trip back to Darwin - everything goes very quiet and you have just enough time to think 'we're all going to die!' before they start again - flying in small planes is not something I relish. So hurrah for Steve and the safe emergency landing!

3 for $25

On the eve of my 27th Birthday I am unduly excited about the following nine things:

1. My birthday! Hurrah!
2. The 3 bottles of French sparkling wine I got for $25.00
3. The fact that the 3 bottles of French sparkling wine were $25.00 and now I have a very legitimate excuse to taste test one of them before I subject my workmates to drinking the other two tomorrow.
4. Drinks with said workmates and said French sparkling wine tomorrow.
5. Ladyhawke
6. The song called 'Case Closed'
7. The Dawn Chorus
8. Seeing Claire
9. Seeing Claire in Thailand!

That is all for now. I am off to be overexcited, drink champagne and pack.

Update: champagne is horrid. I want Janz. Hate Darwin's lack of Janz. Am still excited about everything else though!

The times they are a changing...nominally...

Things about Melbourne that have changed which are of great insignificance to most people but may possibly be of passing interest to Brie:

- The Bullring is now a Coles which I have been told only stocks the 'you'll love Coles' brand products - you know the ones with photos of people on the labels offering endorsements of products with their dubious qualifications listed below? eg. 'Soda water is perfect for entertaining' - Karen, loves entertaining or 'Lollies - kids won't be able to say no!' - Norman, loves children, etc.

- Cellarbrations is now Duncan's liquor. Gone is the 'newly formed national independent liquor group' of the witty puns. I knew we should have bought those stubbie holders. They would be our very own pieces of history keeping our beer cold or hands warm in our respective cities.

- The number 96 trams are now bright yellow and inexplicably have bees dressed in uniforms of various professions with the slogan 'buzzing along the 96 line' painted on them. But you might already know that.

- There is a new guy at the cheese shop at the Vic markets. He wears glasses, has a European accent of some sort and is rather cute.

-The gay man at the cheese shop has a wife and they greatly enjoyed watching 'What Happens in Vegas' on New Years Day. So maybe should stop referring to him as 'the gay man at the cheese shop.'

-The other boy who now flirts with me in your absence. He pretty much held my hand when he gave me my change today. Amusing.

- it is still just as confusing to make a booking at the sushi place but the beef is still amazing.

-You're not there to eat the eel and share these ridiculous observations in person.

UPDATE: The most important change!! Graffiti Bar is gone! Can you believe it? How could somewhere with such heart and soul and friendly customer service and atmosphere possibly close? There were at least 3 of us in that bar that night! We spent a whole 3 minutes there...we would have spent a whole 5 minutes there if they hadn't turned off the interview with Alex from Blur.

Happy New Year!

A new year. A new blog.
Is it possible that I can be even more erratic with my posting than last year?
Tune in to find out...though really - you've seen the title, you have been warned.

Happy New Year!

xo